2012 Predictions #273

For­get social net­work­ing. It’s SO 2011. So last year (once this year becomes next year, that is, though it’s quite last year even while we’re still in this year).

Social net­work­ing is OVER. It’s more over than a flipped pancake.*

My pre­dic­tion is that blog­ging is going to be BIG in 2012. Like, REALLY BIG. Big­ger than a moderately-sized fam­ily hatch­back, at least.**

For those who remain unaware of the ‘blog­ging’ phe­nomenon***, a ‘blog’ — or ‘web­log’ (but never ‘web log’) — is a frequently-updated per­sonal web­site where you write ‘posts’ or ‘entries’ (but never ‘blogs’ because that would merely be a plural of the word ‘web­log’) about your life, your thoughts, or about links to inter­est­ing things you’ve found ‘online’ while ‘surf­ing’ the ‘World Wide Web’ (which some people also call ‘the Inter­net’). These are then dis­played in reverse order on your web ‘page’, i.e. with the latest post at the top. In some ways, it’s like a ‘per­sonal homepage’****, but easier to update and thus far more fast-moving. You also don’t need any tech­nical know­ledge of codes or bat­ter­ies or mag­netic tape or whatever.

Blog­ging isn’t just one-way com­mu­nic­a­tion, either. No, your read­ers can COMMENT — using the ‘com­ments’ func­tion — and leave com­ments com­ment­ing on your post. Com­ments can be any­thing that com­menters may wish to com­ment in response, but com­mon com­ments include “u suk”, “ur blog is crap”, “what the fuk is dis shit?”, “buy performance-enhancing drugs to pro­long your love­mak­ing”, “i love you cos you under­stand me”, “have you tried this new twit­ter thing?” and “yay, me too!” Com­ments are great and make blog­ging much more of a con­ver­sa­tion between you, the BLOGGER, and your com­menter, the COMMENTER*****. Or ‘reader’, if you prefer.

Plus, blog­ging is SOCIAL. Just as much, if not more so, than oh-so-passé social net­work­ing. You can email blog­gers, stalk blog­gers, read each other’s blog obsess­ively look­ing for hid­den mean­ings, rifle through a blogger’s waste bins out­side their home, col­lect a blogger’s bod­ily flu­ids in a petri dish, and even send blog­gers nude pho­to­graphs of your fur­niture with a favour­ite pet spread-eagled sala­ciously across them******. Everything, in fact, you can do on the Twit­ter or the Face­book, but with far greater per­sonal, indi­vidual input.

So, there you have it. 2012 is going to be THE YEAR OF THE BLOG*******. Remem­ber where you read it first — on my site, AN UNRELIABLE WITNESS. If you’re new to the ‘World Wide Web’ and want to find this site again for some inex­plic­able reason, remem­ber to type aitch tee tee pee colon for­ward slash for­ward slash double ewe double ewe double ewe dot unre­li­ablewit­ness dot com******** into your com­puter. Also, why not book­mark the site in your FAVORITES (sic) menu? Or even favor­ite (sic) the site in your BOOKMARKS menu?

[Please RT this post on Twit­ter and share a link to it on your Face­book wall. Together we can make The Year Of The Blog a reality.]

* Check for a bet­ter phrase before press­ing Pub­lish.
** Check for a bet­ter phrase for this, too. Or employ a ghost writer.
*** Check whether blog­ging is really a phe­nomenon.
**** Check whether this ref­er­ence is rather too dated.
***** Check whether this com­puter has a built-in thesaurus.
****** Check whether this is indeed nor­mal, rational beha­viour.
******* Check whether BBC News or The Guard­ian will buy this idea.
******** Check whether there’s a short­hand for web addresses.