Silver(f)ish and shine me shiny

I feel as if I’m at a film premiere.

My senses are being assaulted on a daily basis by spangled stars and glitter. Everywhere I look there are shiny surfaces and metallic reflection. Everyone is inwardly pleading, “Notice me, notice me. I’m special. I’m shiny. I’m more than the sum of my parts. I’m more than this drab existence. I may look like I’m commuting to an office job, but in reality I’m at the top of the showbiz stairway, the bulbs under each step exploding into brilliant light - an eye-popping blaze of sheer unadulterated glamour as I make my way down to the stage and bask in the sound of wild applause. This isn’t merely an escalator - this is my route to fame, fortune and adulation”.

My response is to get darker, attempt to disappear into the background of things. I’m at the point where even this plain white shirt feels like too much of an overt statement. God forbid that I should even consider a pattern.

I want to hide behind my book and make no eye contact with people. Unlike them, I don’t want to be noticed. I don’t even want to consider myself as being any part of this suffocating parade of glitter and shine, which carries the stench of of quiet desperation.

I shall wear grey and black tomorrow, consoled by the fact that those of us who wish to hide from everything often manage to glimpse each other amidst the incessantly screaming gleaming. There’s an unspoken understanding. Our eyes meet briefly, and we exchange a knowing but weary nod of recognition. For a moment, we’re reassured that we’re not alone. Not everyone possesses the all-consuming need to be noticed; not everyone seeks to announce their presence in such an overpowering way.

Comments: 9

    Every day I am reminded why my favourite idiom is the one about empty vessels making the lousest noise.

    Jack | 05.23.06, 10:08

    That’s loudest of course, not lousest - ever since my keyboard has been invaded by ants I can’t stop thinking about crawly bugs.

    Jack | 05.23.06, 10:16

    V: Really like your shiny new triplets.

    Jack: could your keyboard be lousy with lice, not ants?
    Um… that’s dog or cat lice, obviously, not head or body lice. That would be gross.

    LukePDQ | 05.23.06, 13:51

    Thanks, Luke. I rather like the template too, although since it’s a Wordpress theme I didn’t really have a huge amount to do with it beyond obsessive tweaking of CSS.

    Oh, and who’s this mysterious ‘V’ you’re talking about? I have no idea. *cough* *splutter*

    Now, can we stop talking about lice, please? I feel faintly nauseous.

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.23.06, 13:59

    But that is the beauty. When I have stopped wearing make up, when I have thrown away the nail polish (with the internally flawless, D colour engagement ring), someone has noticed me. I can feel his eyes absorbing me from across the room even at the most crowded house party. I have found my own pilgrim and he’s real, he’s here, his eyes are all over me…

    cosmosgirl | 05.23.06, 22:35

    I’m feeling much too positive to enter this state of mind at the moment, but I remember it well.

    When the Manic Street Preachers’ Richey Edwards wrote “I want to walk in the snow and not leave a footprint” he was portraying the thoughts of an anorexic, but as a more general comment on the desire for anonymity I’ve always thought it was rather powerful. Not a million miles away from The Beautiful South’s Paul Heaton singing “So empty at the airport, you don’t set off the doors.”

    Hg | 05.24.06, 17:43

    I am noticeable, people notice me and remember me. It’s a curse when you’d rather be anonymous. I long to be ordinary. Many people think ordinary is boring. I find it fascinating and I think, as I get older and as society changes, I am getting closer to ordinary. Which is nice.

    snowqueen | 05.24.06, 23:57

    Beautiful.

    Clare | 09.27.06, 08:56

    ignored is the new noticed

    offendineveryway | 09.29.06, 16:21

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