Hush. Like all the best things in life, it starts quietly. By streets and miles, leaps and bounds, there is absolutely no competition for the song that meant the most to me in 2006. Unusually, it even manages to be a track that was released over this past rather strange year, too. For me, that’s […]
Don’t look back. You only end up getting a pain in the neck from all that craning. I don’t remember much of what happened before June, to be honest. I remember meeting two people with whom I instantly clicked — and as is the traditional way, with whom I quickly decided I simply had to […]
Dear You, I will confess to having been obsessed lately, thinking day and night amd all points inbetween of what physical object I can possibly send you to accompany these failed missives of apathy and torment, written with such diligence and care before they are torn up and thrown dismissively into the flames. This morning, […]
Once upon a time, there lived a pugnacious robin called Reginald. Why was Reginald pugnacious? Well, because it was in his genes, in his upbringing. It was how male robins were supposed to be. That’s why, in the weeks approaching Christmas, Reginald simply hated being fawned over by passing humans clad in long winter coats, […]
That is undoubtedly the best blog post title ever, as I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s just so eloquent, exciting, dramatic, committed. It makes you want to read the words that follow. It makes you drool with anticipation, in a way that your elderly aunt’s offer of yet another sodding mince pie no longer can. Doesn’t […]
I have been trying to decide whether we would drink coffee, tea or something stronger. Caffeine addict that I am, the temptation would be to serve extra strong coffee and then gabble away nineteen to the dozen until deep into the night, only retreating to our beds at dawn once we had revealed far too […]
I slept for three and a half hours at the back of my mind, thereby leaving my cerebral cortex free to perform acts of incredible daring as it delved into the withered recesses of my memory, attention, perceptual awareness, thinking, language and consciousness. “Did you find anything?” I whispered, hoarsely. But there was no answer. […]
I have been ‘tagged’, though not in the same way in which a criminal is tagged in order to track their whereabouts when they’re released on early licence. No, not that sort of tagging. Instead, I have been tagged with a meme. Gosh, in all my years of bloggery I don’t think I’ve ever been […]
I have spent the vast majority of today dreading the arrival of the new year. For once, this is not due to immensely personal insecurities and deeply-held psychological fears about spending the next twelve months desperately alone, unloved and unwanted. Not yet, anyway. They don’t generally creep into my diseased mind until some time around […]
Some of my favourite — er, as in least favourite — moments in life have come to pass when online personality tests have sucked me into their malicious, soul-destroying clutches, only to confirm that there was ultimately no need to waste ten precious minutes of my existence to be told something about myself that I […]
(Because awards are insignificant, but blogs are not.) The Insignificant Awards is the world’s most unheard of blog competition. It’s a place for the undiscovered to be discovered. As the annual weblog popularity competitions begin once more, we at The Insignificant Headquarters wish to praise, encourage and salute the unknown blogs that sit in the unrewarded […]
Dear You, Please appreciate that these are not my words. I stole them from a passing Australian — the one whose voice has a distinctly smoke-filled timbre. He also possesses a strange taste in footwear, and harbours absolutely no regard for personal hygiene. “My dreams have caught me out. I find myself surrounded by the […]
Did I fall out of bed and land on my head during the night? This can surely be the only possible explanation as to how, in the space of eight short hours, I became an apostle of the Cult Of Positivity. I want a tambourine and an unintelligible chant, and I want them now. Give […]