“Sometimes I used to fly away each night On the wings of an old love song.” I almost dread having to use the term ‘romantic’ about a song, simply because of the connotations it immediately places in my head, let alone anyone else’s. For some reason, I invariably and unfortunately end up thinking of George Michael […]
The morning dawned through the narrow slits in my half-sleepy, half-asleep eyes, and I considered the day ahead. Saturday. There was a nagging sensation, a feeling, that there was somewhere I was supposed to be today. Then it slowly began to dawn on me. I should have been getting dressed up to the nines and, […]
I can always tell when you think I’ve been neglecting you. Your curves become jagged edges, and your stems suddenly seem to stretch to the skies whilst your drops caress the gravel on the ground beneath your feet. Your full stops become aggravated stabs at the page, and then in the next instant there’s not […]
Or to put it in a rather less succinct but more understandable way: Recent Mundane Activities I Have Undertaken For Which I Suddenly Appear To Have Gained An Unexpected Audience (All Apparently Appreciative, Though Varying In Number): • Sleeping. • Having a nightmare. • Eating porridge. • Standing (albeit on one leg). • Watching Amelie […]
I am on a mission to be awkward. You will not like this mission. Indeed, you will probably end up disliking me intensely, and will want to call me needy and demanding and self-centred and selfish and everything else under the sun, some of which may involve gratuitous amounts of swearing. But I don’t care. […]
You know that you have been listening to too much music when you find yourself pondering which song, out of a two-way choice between Sex Dwarf by Soft Cell (“luring disco dollies to a life of vice”) or Sex Beat by The Gun Club (“we can fuck forever but you will never get my soul”), […]
No, no, no. This is absolutely, most definitely and completely not a meme. Instead, this is merely some utterly pointless displacement activity to save me from the worst bad mood I’ve experienced since my days trying to maintain a Mr Whippy ice cream van in the fiery pits of hell, and because in my head […]
Look, there’s no easy way of saying this, but I used to regularly experience a bad dream. A very bad dream. It was so horrific, so black in content, that it was almost amusing in its awful bleakness. Darkly hilarious, in fact. The sort of dream from which, if I were a writer of twisted […]