Official: I have delicious brains

Once upon a time, I was that close to work­ing in ‘the arts’. I had a degree in Drama from a uni­ver­sity fairly well known for such things, and I was about to embark on a grand career in ‘the arts’, spend­ing my days and nights on art­ful and artistic pro­jects such as dir­ect­ing obscure plays in small back-street theatres. Fol­low­ing my call­ing in ‘the arts’. Thank you, darlings. Call my agent.

But then I real­ised I had to earn money of some kind in order to carry out those mundane and basic tasks such as liv­ing, put­ting food on the table, pay­ing off credit cards, and even­tu­ally get­ting a sleek Mac­Book Pro in pride of place on my desk. So I gave up all notions of work­ing in ‘the arts’ and got a proper job instead. My mother was very proud. And relieved.

Some people, how­ever, have more stay­ing power when it comes to ‘the arts’. Like Miss Tickle, blog­ger of this par­ish, who stands proudly at the helm of Tickle Theatre sur­vey­ing the world of ‘the arts’ for as far as her eye can see. Which is usu­ally as far as the next pro­duc­tion that des­per­ately needs funding.

So Miss Tickle has come up with a plan, a scheme, a cam­paign and a down­right clever wheeze to help raise the grand sum of £4,200 in just two weeks, which will go towards the costs of put­ting on a double bill of plays entitled Break­fast Hearts and Choir­play. She is ask­ing as many people as pos­sible to buy a word from the script. That’s right. Your very own word could be, er, yours for only one pound. And why stop at one word? Buy two! Buy more! Buy a sen­tence! Buy a dic­tion­ary! (Well, as long as every word in the dic­tion­ary is fea­tured in the script, of course. Oh, never mind.) And remem­ber, by doing this you will be spon­sor­ing ‘the arts’. You’ll be keep­ing thespi­ans tread­ing the boards, thus mak­ing sure that they stay safely away from hav­ing to take on real jobs that will only end up suck­ing their souls dry on a daily basis. What greater cause could there be?

For myself, I have pur­chased the words “deli­cious” and “brains” for the tick­lish sum of just two fine Brit­ish pounds. Why? Because brains are deli­cious, obvi­ously. To be hon­est, I’m not so sure about the taste sen­sa­tion offered by my cauliflower-like col­lec­tion of cells, but your brain is look­ing espe­cially delect­able. May I have a nibble?