They’re gonna put me in the movies
Today has brought some great news for the world of bloggers, blogging and, indeed, bloggery in general. Having recognised the immense contribution that I have made to publicising the weblog medium — thanks to the publication of my rather saucy book Belle de Désastre: Irritating Adventures of a London Wastrel a couple of years ago, which was loosely (very loosely, it has to be said) based on my site and which, you’ll all be relieved to know, is now available in all good bargain bins everywhere — the TV companies have recently been fighting tooth and claw over the rights to make a dramatic mini-series out of my less than dramatic story.
So I’m delighted, flabbergasted and faintly awestruck to report that Channel 4 now has a show “in development”, with Billie Piper — erstwhile Doctor Who assistant and former squeaky-voiced singer of the classic pop hit Honey to the Bee — “attached” to the lead role. Yes, the lovely Billie is going to play me. Me, me, me. Dear readers, I am a little overcome.
I’m sure you can immediately see the similarity between Billie and myself, although obviously she will be using a body double for those, erm, rather more graphic scenes that made her eyes water when she first happened across them in the script. I did, of course, patiently explain to her that episodes such as the one with the nurse’s uniform, the Jaffa orange and the sweaty businessman really did happen, are artistically valid and essential to the plot, and should in no way be regarded as mere titillation just in order to gain some form of pathetically salacious notoriety, but sadly she was too busy vomiting over her shoes at the time to really pay attention to my worthy, self-righteous posturing.
Coming to a TV screen near you soon, then. Or maybe not.