They’re gonna put me in the movies

Today has brought some great news for the world of blog­gers, blog­ging and, indeed, blog­gery in gen­eral. Hav­ing recog­nised the immense con­tri­bu­tion that I have made to pub­li­cising the web­log medium — thanks to the pub­lic­a­tion of my rather saucy book Belle de Désastre: Irrit­at­ing Adven­tures of a Lon­don Wastrel a couple of years ago, which was loosely (very loosely, it has to be said) based on my site and which, you’ll all be relieved to know, is now avail­able in all good bar­gain bins every­where — the TV com­pan­ies have recently been fight­ing tooth and claw over the rights to make a dra­matic mini-series out of my less than dra­matic story.

So I’m delighted, flab­ber­gas­ted and faintly awe­struck to report that Chan­nel 4 now has a show “in devel­op­ment”, with Bil­lie Piper — erstwhile Doc­tor Who assist­ant and former squeaky-voiced singer of the clas­sic pop hit Honey to the Bee — “attached” to the lead role. Yes, the lovely Bil­lie is going to play me. Me, me, me. Dear read­ers, I am a little overcome.

I’m sure you can imme­di­ately see the sim­il­ar­ity between Bil­lie and myself, although obvi­ously she will be using a body double for those, erm, rather more graphic scenes that made her eyes water when she first happened across them in the script. I did, of course, patiently explain to her that epis­odes such as the one with the nurse’s uni­form, the Jaffa orange and the sweaty busi­ness­man really did hap­pen, are artist­ic­ally valid and essen­tial to the plot, and should in no way be regarded as mere tit­il­la­tion just in order to gain some form of pathet­ic­ally sala­cious notori­ety, but sadly she was too busy vomit­ing over her shoes at the time to really pay atten­tion to my worthy, self-righteous posturing.

Com­ing to a TV screen near you soon, then. Or maybe not.

Comments: 16

    Good­ness, you really *have* been grow­ing your hair.

    Jack | 02.13.07, 14:51

    My what a hand­some chest you have Mr Unre­li­able. I can hardly wait to see you on Fri­day. I am very temp­ted to wear my lucky belt.

    andre | 02.13.07, 15:10

    Not the lucky belt?! Which hole is it that’s nearly worn through? (Ahem)

    An Unreliable Witness | 02.13.07, 15:12

    Pic­tures!!!

    Jack | 02.13.07, 15:29

    Of Andre’s nearly worn-through belt notch? Or of my long flow­ing locks, now con­tain­ing blonde highlights?

    Either would prove equally dis­turb­ing, I suspect.

    An Unreliable Witness | 02.13.07, 15:32

    That Jack is always shout­ing ‘pic­tures’. I think it’s about time she sent us pic­tures, don’t you think Mr Unreliable.

    andre | 02.13.07, 15:37

    Yes, a poten­tial view­ing of pho­tos of My Little Pony covered in duct tape is cer­tainly work­ing its magic on me. Pictures!!!

    An Unreliable Witness | 02.13.07, 15:41

    I don’t want to see fookin My Little Pony Pictures!

    andre | 02.13.07, 15:57

    A little over­come?

    Not for the first time, surely.

    (Get those cur­tains washed, they’re fook­ing disgusting.)

    Cheerful One | 02.13.07, 22:45

    I like Bil­lie Piper. She is lovely.

    You are also lovely. Frankly, the com­bin­a­tion of Bil­lie Piper and your words would be a little more love­li­ness than I could take.

    I will have to watch it with the sound off.

    The Goldfish | 02.13.07, 23:19

    What has My Little Pony got to do with Bil­lie Piper.

    I was totally with you up until that point, get am now com­pletely lost.

    Timbo | 02.14.07, 12:16

    I also clearly can­not type or spellcheck.

    I left out a ? and wrote ‘get’ when I meant to write ‘but’.

    What the hell is the mat­ter with me???

    Timbo | 02.14.07, 12:21

    So will this Chan­nel 4 drama just fea­ture scenes of Bil­lie Piper at her com­puter, typ­ing in her latest blog entry? I think we should be told…

    ade | 02.14.07, 12:38

    Alas, ‘Honey to the Bee’ became a recycled hit: another product of includ­ing down­loads in the UK music chart, also respons­ible for the utter trav­esty that was Crazy Frog.

    And why is it that Bor­ders has been plagued by blog-books about the sexual adven­tures of middle-class prostitutes/office work­ers recently?

    Morgan | 02.15.07, 23:13

    Cos they’re the only people get­ting laid

    *sigh*

    Fussy Bitch | 02.16.07, 14:16

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