Technical hic

Unac­cus­tomed as I am to provid­ing either links to other con­tent on the web (so old-fashioned, and I know you’d much rather read my form­less, ill-supported prose instead) or entries about mat­ters of a geeky tech­nical nature, I thought I should draw your atten­tion to some import­ant inform­a­tion con­cern­ing the emer­gency action to take if you hap­pen to spill wine on your laptop, since I know that many read­ers of this site are bor­der­line winos and find it impossible to read my words without the assist­ance of alco­hol. Under­stand­able, really.

Now that I am the owner of a shiny Mac­book Pro, I have been pon­der­ing what to do with my lum­ber­ing old PC laptop com­plete with its internal fan of almost indus­trial wind tun­nel pro­por­tions. It occurs to me that using it as a test­bed to meas­ure a computer’s res­ist­ance to vari­ous dan­ger­ously addict­ive sub­stances would be a fit­ting way for it to per­ish. Obvi­ously, red wine splashed over the key­board will be the first chal­lenge. Fur­ther exper­i­ments may include:

• tequila in the DVD drive;
• cider in the bat­tery com­part­ment;
• LSD in the USB, purely for poetic acronym reas­ons;
• heroin stashed in the audio line in socket;
• and finally, absinthe vomited over the mon­itor screen.

True, the com­puter will be ruined. But to be quite hon­est, it won’t care.