Comments on: Warning: may contain nuts

By: RorBroromew

RorBroromew — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:57:08 +0000

There was this guy see.
He wasn’t very bright and he reached his adult life without ever having learned “the facts”.
Somehow, it gets to be his wedding day.
While he is walking down the isle, his father tugs his sleeve and says,

“Son, when you get to the hotel room…Call me”

Hours later he gets to the hotel room with his beautiful blushing bride and he calls his father,

“Dad, we are the hotel, what do I do?”

“O.K. Son, listen up, take off your clothes and get in the bed, then she should take off her clothes and get in the bed, if not help her. Then either way, ah, call me”

A few moments later…

“Dad we took off our clothes and we are in the bed, what do I do?”

O.K. Son, listen up. Move real close to her and she should move real close to you, and then… Ah, call me.”

A few moments later…

“DAD! WE TOOK OFF OUR CLOTHES, GOT IN THE BED AND MOVED REAL CLOSE, WHAT DO I DO???”

“O.K. Son, Listen up, this is the most important part. Stick the long part of your body into the place where she goes to the bathroom.”

A few moments later…

“Dad, I’ve got my foot in the toilet, what do I do?”

By: Stephanie Boon

Stephanie Boon — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 07:29:42 +0000

Wow. A man of remarkable words that doesn’t like beards, loathes football and isn’t normal. I’m weak at the knees. I might even come rushing back to the old home town and marry you, if I believed in marriage, which I don’t. It’s tempting to leave a little x here for your words, but I won’t for fear of such an effusive little character giving the wrong impression. I shall go and have porridge and some strong coffee instead!

By: An Unreliable Witness

An Unreliable Witness — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:57:36 +0000

Gosh, what a lot of ‘wonderfuls’.

I loathe and despise football with a passion.

And a social engagement is what normal people do. I, however, have no idea about such things.

Thanks for the comment, Stephanie.

By: Stephanie Boon

Stephanie Boon — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:58:40 +0000

You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful You're wonderful - is that enough to get you come over to my place?! Erm, what's a social engagement? A man that doesn't like beards - I'm gushing. May I ask where you stand on football?

By: Camille

Camille — Wed, 30 May 2007 09:46:08 +0000

This was such a fantastic piece of writing.

I wonder if Tim has read it? Will he be “connecting privately” before he “responds publicly”?

Thanks for your immense insight and quirky wit, a pleasure.

By: Sea Urchin

Sea Urchin — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:18:04 +0000

I don’t think a code of conduct works unless you have enforcement.

We are humans, our priorty is to ourselves first and we are only deterred to do things which we want to do if there is unfavorable retribution.

I think our entire motivation for the way we act can be reduced from the day we are born to reward / punishment.

By: Maryam in Marrakesh

Maryam in Marrakesh — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 13:20:47 +0000

I admit it, I cry under pressure. I don’t like trolls — they give me nightmares. I am enforcing civility on my blog because it is my internet home. And because it made me really depressed when someone sent me a comment telling me I was a liar and a whore. Why? What did I do?

Yes, perhaps this demonstrates once and for all that I’m insecure. But, ~sigh, what else is new?

By: Peter

Peter — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 17:17:04 +0000

I liked your post. I liked it a lot better than Tim O’Reilly’s post, because that page crashed my Internet Explorer. Four times. And I even restarted the computer.

So I guess some delicious underbelly troll has attached some nasties to the nice man’s page. Poetic, if you think about it. Karma is what you sow, but Dharma is the Law.

By: An Unreliable Witness

An Unreliable Witness — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 16:49:13 +0000

Dearest Andre — I was momentarily tempted to be obtuse in response to your kind comment and say something like:

My eyelids are shallow bays of light in a cinema showing silent movies on the flickering walls of the inside of my mind.

But I decided that would be too much even for me. So I shall merely say thank you, and that you are too kind.

By: andre

andre — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 12:35:03 +0000

I think this is the best thing you have ever written [and to be quite frank — the first post I’ve understood]

By: Alan

Alan — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 22:31:48 +0000

Not meaning to be picky but… um… the photo… um… isn’t that a gonk?

By: Katy Newton

Katy Newton — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:54:25 +0000

I haven’t actually read all of this yet because I accidentally sprayed my computer with ginger shortbread crumbs and had to wipe it down. But I pause midway through this post to say that I am rather disappointed that Mr Witness has not provided the html code which will enable me to display Her Majesty’s Civility Enforced badge on my blog, which is indeed a place where there is no unpleasantness, except when I am posting about large spiders, in which case I would need the html code for the badge with a big red line through it.

By: An Unreliable Witness

An Unreliable Witness — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 15:15:38 +0000

Lamb - you have my sympathy. I was young and naive in 2001, and consequently the posts are dreadful. That's why you'll find so many that were included in the archives. Bob - Irish, you say? In that case, i refer the honourable commenter to the reply I gave a few weeks ago.

By: bob

bob — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 15:02:10 +0000

“Tim O’Reilly is American …”

Erm, educated there maybe and perhaps since nationalised, but according to wikipedia, he was born in Cork. And the Irish are *all* so nice to each other.

Excellent post.

By: the lamb

the lamb — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:18:55 +0000

Forgot to insert random obscure in-joke, followed by a knowing wink.

By: the lamb

the lamb — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:17:28 +0000

I’m only up to October 2001 of your archived entries for the second time, bear with me.

By: An Unreliable Witness

An Unreliable Witness — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 07:32:14 +0000

Pierre and Gordon — He’s got cute animal drawings in his books? Oh. Well. I take back everything I zaid. Absolutely everything.

By: Gordon

Gordon — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 07:22:40 +0000

Kill pierre’s budgie!!!

Ohh wait, he’s right. Those O’Reilly books are pretty good. The company that publishes them should be very proud.

Now what has this got to do with Tim O’Reilly?

By: pierre l

pierre l — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 21:22:33 +0000

I sense I am about to get into trouble here… Tim O’Reilly publishes a lot of excellent computer books (with nice drawings of animals on them); I will say that in his favour, and I have a very large number of these books.

But he has definitely gone too far in this case.

By: An Unreliable Witness

An Unreliable Witness — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:30:36 +0000

Ponies and buttercups are lovely. Ponies and buttercups are lovely. Ponies and buttercups are lovely. Ponies and buttercups are lovely. Assimilate. Assimilate. Assimilate. Sorry Gordon, you were saying?

And Goldfish. You have shocked me into my first ‘I don’t give a damn, I’ll be as rude as I like on my own blog’ apology. I did, of course, mean budgies. Not goldfish. This is what occurs when one writes hurried comments.

So let me reiterate:

“Please keep your comments civil and play nicely. Or else I will come round and kill your BUDGIE.”