Do-it-yourself Unreliable Witness
Just call me bountiful. First I gave you your very own badge with which to tell the world that you run nothing but the most civil, decent and upstanding of blogs by order of Her Majesty the Queen (or else she sends Prince Philip round with a hammer), and now I am making another highly exclusive download freely available to you, my faithful reader. Let joy be unconfined.
No, this isn’t just a manifestation of writer’s block. Except it could be.
Following many pleas and requests — well, two — and expressions of ardent admiration for my distinctive scrawl, I have decided to offer my handwriting as a free font. Written on post-it notes. Yes, I know that’s not exactly hi-tech, but you’ll just have to print out the page and carefully cut round the letters and numbers with a sharp pair of scissors.
Install An Unreliable Witness Font v1.0 in your word processing package of choice and you will instantly be able to enjoy at least several fun-filled minutes (or even less) writing blank cheques, creating poison pen letters to mail to unfaithful ex-partners, penning romantic missives of perpetual adoration to potential future lovers, and making notes to stick to the front of the fridge. Put cat out. Bring cat in. Do not put cat in microwave. This refrigerator contains mould. That kind of thing.
Please note that this is a highly exclusive offer available for a limited time only. Or forever. Whichever comes sooner. As a bonus, the first two million people to download the font will receive a rather fetching green post-it note containing your very own typically obscure and obtuse Unreliable Witness-style entry. Because I know there are many of you out there who really want to be me. Why not post it on your own blog to baffle your readers and make them think you’re talking about something deep and meaningful when, in fact, you’re not?
Be sure to let me know if you do anything even remotely interesting with your free font. Except if it’s illegal. Then I don’t want to hear from you ever again, and will deny all knowledge of you if asked in a court of law.
