Archive for May, 2007

[Insert leg-related pun here]

To those read­ers who might well be of the opin­ion that I haven’t been doing enough to main­tain this site’s hard-won repu­ta­tion as the nation’s premier Legb­log, I humbly offer the fol­low­ing small anec­dote. The scene: yes­ter­day after­noon, in a grey and unin­spir­ing cor­ridor near to my grey and unin­spir­ing desk, loc­ated within a grey […]

Three steps to heaven, twelve steps to hell

1. First, I have got to admit that I have a prob­lem. 2. My name is An Unre­li­able Wit­ness, and I am an addict. 3. An addict of brightly-coloured, shiny tab­lets. 4. Each with a word writ­ten on them. 5. Though, in truth, I am only addicted to the words. 6. I long ago went […]

Oh, to be ubiquitous …

In what would undoubtedly be just a cheap and pale imit­a­tion of an idea first thought up by Andre Jordan of Andre Jordan fame, I am think­ing of tak­ing up dood­ling and have today myself bought a packet of felt tip pens. Watch out, world. Er, no, that’s not right. I mean, in a heart­felt homage […]

See you on rooftops

A bell woke me. A bell brought me to my senses each time the day felt as if it was unrav­el­ling. And a final bell lulled me into dust particles of sleep that night. Dis­solve and dis­ap­pear with me now. When my eyes fall open, the sound of the lazy dull hub­bub of a Sunday morning […]

Turnupspeed

Blood pump­ing. Heart racing. Fin­gers dan­cing. Keys rat­tling. Tap­ping. Not sure. Simply not sure. This is tomorrow’s all day. All our tomor­rows could hap­pen in just one day. The ocean is so far away. I keep los­ing the few wits I have about me any and every time I see another part of you fall­ing off […]

Random acts of stationery #16

Never mind the quality, feel the niche

Due to both a lack of inspir­a­tion and a lack of words — though regret­tably not a lack of infuri­at­ing and utterly ridicu­lous made-up terms that I seem to keep spot­ting in vari­ous art­icles scattered through­out the pop­u­lar press — I present the fol­low­ing list of new buzz phrases con­cern­ing the highly dubi­ous pas­time of […]

Random acts of stationery #15

Random acts of stationery #14

Drop in the ocean, fall in the river

This was the someone I never knew. There were only two formal but friendly phone calls, if that. A couple of back and forth email diver­sions. Pleas­ant. Noth­ing more, noth­ing less. Three years ago, half an age here, almost an entire life­time over there. No more words came after, because there was no need for any further […]

All hail the Happiness Tsar

There are many things that keep me awake at night. Fore­most amongst these, obvi­ously, are the warped thoughts and ima­gin­ings of my own dis­eased mind. Then there is the con­cerned voice of my social con­science, fret­ting about the future of the human race and whether the planet is doomed to dis­ap­pear forever in a coughing […]

Soulweaving songs

They dis­ap­peared when I couldn’t sleep or when my slum­ber was chem­ic­ally induced, but now, dur­ing these warm nights when everything phys­ical rests as other scur­ry­ing foot­steps turn my mind’s fix­tures and fit­tings upside down, the soul­weavers come to me on a fre­quent basis. I wake in the cradle of dark­ness, my can­opy briefly illu­min­ated every […]

Political incorrectness gone mad

Here’s my ironic approach, then. Write an entry for Blog­ging Against Dis­ab­lism 2007 in which I blatantly put on dis­play a whole slew of dis­grace­fully dis­ab­list words. Shock­ing though they are — and hope­fully you are all nod­ding vig­or­ously in agree­ment and think­ing to your­self that you wouldn’t dare use such phrases even in private, […]