Never mind the quality, feel the niche

Due to both a lack of inspir­a­tion and a lack of words — though regret­tably not a lack of infuri­at­ing and utterly ridicu­lous made-up terms that I seem to keep spot­ting in vari­ous art­icles scattered through­out the pop­u­lar press — I present the fol­low­ing list of new buzz phrases con­cern­ing the highly dubi­ous pas­time of main­tain­ing a per­sonal pub­lish­ing web­site. You may scoff at them now, but you’ll all be fash­ion­ably drop­ping them into con­ver­sa­tion before the year is out, I guar­an­tee it. So let’s begin with:

Blook — oh, this is not such a good start since this word already exists, appar­ently. Not to men­tion incred­u­lously. It’s a blog which has been turned into a book. So, er, like a book, then.

Ble­urgh — a blog about feel­ing ill. Not to be con­fused with …

Ble­urg — a blog about France. Pos­sibly delivered in the same far­cical accent as that oh so hil­ari­ous police­man fea­tured in the laugh-a-decade sit­com ‘Allo ‘Allo!. Com­edy gold.

Blokeb­log — a blog about being manly and macho. Belch­ing, birds, shag­ging and know­ing who scored the win­ning goal in the 1973 FA Cup Final.

Bogo­sphere — never again miss out on a vital oppor­tun­ity to blog now that your nearest pub­lic con­veni­ence is com­pat­ible with both Word­press and Mov­able Type. Dis­cus­sion of the after-effects of last night’s curry is entirely optional.

Clo­gb­log — a blog about shoes. Or a Dutch blog. Or a Dutch blog about shoes. Usu­ally writ­ten by a mouse sit­ting on a stair out­side a wind­mill in old Amsterdam.

Clookblook — a blog about food which has now been suc­cess­fully made into a blook. Er, I mean a book. Obviously.

Cogb­log — never mind Web 2.0, the vir­tual world and all things geeky, this is a blog about being an engin­eer. May fea­ture span­ners. And tools.

Dogb­log — a blog about man’s best friend, his pooch. Write posts about the cute little fella as he humps the arm of the sofa in a fit of sexual frus­tra­tion. Talk­ing of which, though not to be con­fused with …

Dog­gerb­log — live groan-by-groan, thrust-by-thrust updates from a car park some­where in deep­est Essex, typed on a laptop which is pre­cari­ously perched on the bon­net of a Vaux­hall Astra rock­ing back and forth at a truly alarm­ing rate.

Flo­gb­log — the Exchange & Mart of the blog­ging world. Sell any­thing you want, except your body. Not be con­fused with …

Flog­gerb­log — a blog for people who like leather, metal chains and whips, though in per­fectly harm­less and inno­cent ways. Yes.

Hogb­log — because Mogb­logs, fea­tur­ing pho­tos of your cat, are so last year, the Hogb­log is now where it’s at. Post up pho­tos of your pet pig look­ing as happy as, well, only a pig in shit can look. Then post up pho­tos of your pet pig look­ing not quite so happy drip­ping in grease between two door­stops of bread.

Jog­gerb­log — through the won­ders of mobile tech­no­logy, you can breath­lessly blog whilst pound­ing your way round your local park. Why not use Flickr to upload pho­tos of any flash­ers who leap out at you from behind bushes along the way? No sweaty wrist­bands, please.

Log­gerb­log — a blog about chop­ping down trees. Quite a spe­cific interest, if I’m honest.

Spro­gb­log — a blog about your chil­dren. More pho­tos of the hor­rible little bleed­ers than any­one could pos­sibly want. Not to be con­fused with …

Sprog’n’Dogblog — a blog con­tain­ing not only pho­tos of your chil­dren, but also pho­tos of your dog look­ing des­per­ately sui­cidal because you’ve forced it to wear a suc­ces­sion of silly hats. Immensely pop­u­lar, so please register to leave obsequious com­ments. Note: I have just been informed that such a site may already be in exist­ence. Proof, if proof were needed, that there’s noth­ing new in the won­der­ful world of blogging.

Comments: 29

    Surely there could be no-one so vul­gar and obvi­ously bereft of all taste and tal­ent to think that last one was a good id.…oh.

    Jack | 05.15.07, 16:59

    This post isn’t about me, is it?

    Deuce | 05.15.07, 17:03

    Hold on.…where’s LegBlog?

    Jack | 05.15.07, 17:22

    snoop bloggy blog

    annie | 05.15.07, 17:53

    Jack — LegB­log is not included, since LegB­logs are so Web 1.0, dont’cha know?

    Annie — I have not read a snoop bloggy blog since I am not, regret­tably, down wiv da kidz in da hood.

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.15.07, 18:39

    I want to die

    andre | 05.15.07, 18:41

    Andre — Don’t worry. My posts often have that effect on people.

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.15.07, 18:44

    No not you Mr Unre­li­able — I love you.

    I just see those words and think Kill.Me.Now.

    andre | 05.15.07, 18:57

    I shall cheer you up by get­ting my dear friend Deuce to send you a lovely sick-making heart-warming pic­ture of a dog in a silly hat.

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.15.07, 19:00

    Woof!

    Deuce | 05.15.07, 19:17

    Actu­ally, I have heard on the blo­gv­ine (did you see what I did there?) that Andre prefers pic­tures of ladies puppies.

    Unfor­tu­nately for him, I am Not That Kind Of Girl!

    Deuce | 05.15.07, 19:19

    No spro­gb­log for me!

    clarissa | 05.15.07, 21:47

    As my other inter­net iden­tity, I have a blog which could be clas­si­fied as a “sno­gb­log”, a blog which has pic­tures of all the cute hot­ties (as I refer to them) that I tickle ton­sils with — and indeed, if I can per­suade a bystander, pic­tures of the salivary exchange tak­ing place.

    Whereas UW, I guess, would be an agogblog.

    The Goldfish | 05.15.07, 22:55

    Don’t shoot me, but, maybe I shouldn’t…oh, the hell with it. Dogb­log exists.
    This scares me, since I fig­ure you’ve tapped into the future.

    asta | 05.15.07, 23:09

    Grogb­log — con­sist­ing entirely of ram­bling entries made under the influ­ence of alco­hol which would have been texted had the credit not run out.

    Angelalala | 05.15.07, 23:52

    Deuce — I wouldn’t know of any­one who would do such a thing. Send pic­tures of ladies’ pup­pies? How very uncouth.

    The Gold­fish — Grrr, you minx. Now it’s all being revealed. As cer­tain people often say round these parts: PICTURES!!!

    OE — Yes, I con­cen­trated on the cheesily rhym­ing side of blog­ging ter­min­o­logy, I con­fess. There must be a whole other post for terms like woeb­log, miseryblog …

    Asta — I think I just fainted.

    Angelalala — You know, there was a time where if I had done a Grogb­log of drunken text mes­sages I never sent, it would have been such an enter­tain­ing / dis­turb­ing read.

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.16.07, 03:57

    Some evil cor­por­ate genius is cur­rently pat­ent­ing the McB­log, methinks. Made of recycled old posts reas­sembled in a sweat­shop and prin­ted on cyber-styrofoam or some­thing. Most digestible.

    fionat | 05.16.07, 18:03

    [insert yet another humour­ous play on the word blog]

    (sorry, really wanted to com­ment because this post made me laugh out loud.. er.. LOL, but can’t think of any­thing funny, no doubt I will as soon as I click “Sub­mit comment”)

    Gordon | 05.16.07, 22:01

    Or not…

    Gordon | 05.16.07, 22:01

    Glugb­log? Like a pub crawl but bloggy style? Pro­gb­log, as in a blog about someone’s or something’s pro­gress, per­haps even evol­u­tion?
    Togb­log, a blog ded­ic­ated to duvets?
    Yogb­log, for those lid lick­ers aka the Muller bri­gade? [This advert makes me want to hurt the TV badly].
    Plugb­log, or how to stick your fin­gers into vari­ous elec­trical out­lets around the world and elec­tro­cute your­self in style?

    Ariel | 05.17.07, 01:47

    won­der­ful! enidd would like to sug­gest grogb­log — cau­tion­ary tales of drink­ing and ditches.

    enidd | 05.17.07, 10:10

    heh, ari­els are cool too…

    fro­gb­log — in french / or as mad as as a box of
    smo­gb­log — tales of the city
    blo­gb­log — where blog­ging is blogged
    fogb­log — where people pre­tend they are one thing on the blog when really they’re noth­ing like it in real-life

    yeah. mine are shit…

    Peach | 05.17.07, 12:50

    Thank you for your con­tin­ued comments.

    fionat — You’re scar­ing me, for the simple reason that I have a hor­rible feel­ing you are com­pletely right.

    Gor­don — Best com­ment ever. I just like know­ing people are there. This is mostly because I’m quite sad and lonely and don’t get out much.

    Ariel — I’m lov­ing Pro­gb­log, but for a dif­fer­ent reason, because there aren’t nearly enough blogs about King Crim­son and Yes. Are there? I con­sidered Togb­log myself, due to my not­able devo­tion to all things duvet-related, and Plugb­log is such a fab­ulous idea that I might con­sider ask­ing some people to try it out. Ahem. Not really. I’m nice and extremely passive-aggressive.

    Tom and Enidd — Thank you both, and wel­come to my humble abode.

    Peach — I won­der if Clarissa of I Love the Smoke would sub­title her site a smo­gb­log, fol­low­ing your sug­ges­tion? As for blo­gb­log and fogb­log — er, well, I believe these already exist in their droves. (Oh dear, passive-aggressive again …)

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.17.07, 17:54

    I wouldn’t just con­sider it; I would only wish I could do you both justice.

    clarissa | 05.20.07, 18:53

    Fant­astic stuff old bean.

    Per­son­ally i think Blo­go­sphere is too com­ple­ment­ary in gen­eral, and Blo­gosewer more accur­ate per­haps (present com­pany excluded of course)

    Lord Garfunkel of Ballyesmond | 05.21.07, 11:45

    Lord Gar­funkel — Surely not? After all, Blo­gosewer would imply that the won­der­ful world of blog­ging is full of …

    Oh. As you were then.

    [That was such a passive-aggressive com­ment on my part that I am now going to go and hide away in shame, and try and for­get that this post ever exis­ted. I thank you.]

    An Unreliable Witness | 05.21.07, 11:55

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