Never mind the quality, feel the niche
Due to both a lack of inspiration and a lack of words - though regrettably not a lack of infuriating and utterly ridiculous made-up terms that I seem to keep spotting in various articles scattered throughout the popular press - I present the following list of new buzz phrases concerning the highly dubious pastime of maintaining a personal publishing website. You may scoff at them now, but you’ll all be fashionably dropping them into conversation before the year is out, I guarantee it. So let’s begin with:
Blook - oh, this is not such a good start since this word already exists, apparently. Not to mention incredulously. It’s a blog which has been turned into a book. So, er, like a book, then.
Bleurgh - a blog about feeling ill. Not to be confused with …
Bleurg - a blog about France. Possibly delivered in the same farcical accent as that oh so hilarious policeman featured in the laugh-a-decade sitcom ‘Allo ‘Allo!. Comedy gold.
Blokeblog - a blog about being manly and macho. Belching, birds, shagging and knowing who scored the winning goal in the 1973 FA Cup Final.
Bogosphere - never again miss out on a vital opportunity to blog now that your nearest public convenience is compatible with both Wordpress and Movable Type. Discussion of the after-effects of last night’s curry is entirely optional.
Clogblog - a blog about shoes. Or a Dutch blog. Or a Dutch blog about shoes. Usually written by a mouse sitting on a stair outside a windmill in old Amsterdam.
Clookblook - a blog about food which has now been successfully made into a blook. Er, I mean a book. Obviously.
Cogblog - never mind Web 2.0, the virtual world and all things geeky, this is a blog about being an engineer. May feature spanners. And tools.
Dogblog - a blog about man’s best friend, his pooch. Write posts about the cute little fella as he humps the arm of the sofa in a fit of sexual frustration. Talking of which, though not to be confused with …
Doggerblog - live groan-by-groan, thrust-by-thrust updates from a car park somewhere in deepest Essex, typed on a laptop which is precariously perched on the bonnet of a Vauxhall Astra rocking back and forth at a truly alarming rate.
Flogblog - the Exchange & Mart of the blogging world. Sell anything you want, except your body. Not be confused with …
Floggerblog - a blog for people who like leather, metal chains and whips, though in perfectly harmless and innocent ways. Yes.
Hogblog - because Mogblogs, featuring photos of your cat, are so last year, the Hogblog is now where it’s at. Post up photos of your pet pig looking as happy as, well, only a pig in shit can look. Then post up photos of your pet pig looking not quite so happy dripping in grease between two doorstops of bread.
Joggerblog - through the wonders of mobile technology, you can breathlessly blog whilst pounding your way round your local park. Why not use Flickr to upload photos of any flashers who leap out at you from behind bushes along the way? No sweaty wristbands, please.
Loggerblog - a blog about chopping down trees. Quite a specific interest, if I’m honest.
Sprogblog - a blog about your children. More photos of the horrible little bleeders than anyone could possibly want. Not to be confused with …
Sprog’n’Dogblog - a blog containing not only photos of your children, but also photos of your dog looking desperately suicidal because you’ve forced it to wear a succession of silly hats. Immensely popular, so please register to leave obsequious comments. Note: I have just been informed that such a site may already be in existence. Proof, if proof were needed, that there’s nothing new in the wonderful world of blogging.