An unscientific little pole (sic)

I am not having any matter of getaway, bargain break or £7.50 Sun offer to Butlins in Bognor Regis at all this year. So please keep writing and keep me company.

I don’t know about you but I am going to spew my woeful little brains out all over sunny stinking August.

And then, I’m going to go on holiday in (gasp) September.

Hurrah, Jack. I knew I could depend on you. Another bowl of gruel-like porridge, dear?

Oh, my sad social inadequate - you were doing so well until you mentioned the September holiday. That’s just letting the side down, you know.

I have fond memories of Butlins. I won first prize in their fancy dress competition.

{I was dressed a Knight. As I went up to collect my trophy, they asked me to make a speech. I shook my head vigorously and ran away. But I did not cry!}

the glorious destination of Londinium-On-Thames. Um, and Margate For One Night Only.

The big summer holiday exodus thing is rather like Christmas, a little. yuk.

Do keep writing. Especially porridge. Or in purple. However.

Andre - Did you have a white charger? And a big sword? Or is that too personal a question?

Miles Away - I have happy memories of the Chas ‘n’ Dave hit Down to Margate all of a sudden. I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing.

Yes. All the best people spend warm summer days indoors.

… and writing frightening verse to a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg, perchance?

No, it’s just you.

Off to the beach for me.

Bohémienne - I have no idea what a beach is. The last sand I saw was in a sandbag, trying to prevent somebody’s Axminster carpet becoming waterlogged with raw sewerage.

Sorry, binge drinking will win over sad social inadequacy every time. Whatever the climate.

possibly not - no buckets, spades, jellied eels, swimming or beach, sadly. They do exist, albeit dilapidatedly.

“For people lookin fur a knees up an a point a ‘gannet, there aint no plaice be-ahh than the oiland ov Fannet!” (sic)

[/estuary english]

social inadequate - You’re classy. Binge drinking is an even greater British summer pastime than vomiting and getting lobster-coloured sunburn.

Miles Away - Your detailed knowledge of Chas ‘n’ Dave lyrics is oddly disturbing. You’ve got more rabbit than Sainsbury’s, why don’t you get it off your chest? ;)

Yes please. I’ll bring the twigs for self-flagellation.

Jack - And there’s another great British summer pastime. Self-flagellation with twigs. Although to be honest, that’s quite enjoyable the whole year round. Erm.

I knew right off when I first met my eyes on you, but how was I to know you’d break my ear holes too?

France or navel-gazing, I can’t decide.

Would you kindly stop rubbing your northern hemisphere summer into my cold antipodean nose, hands, feet etc.

Miles Away - Gertcha. That’s all I have to say on the matter.

Callisto - Apologies. If it’s any consolation, we had the aforementioned biblical floods last week. Glorious, it was. A national crisis, wreaked on us by Beelzebub himself. It was wonderful.

Hm. I seem to be integrating quite nicely, in that case. Which of course, can only mean that I can no longer read your site. It appears I have been cured. :P

Oh thoughts of Benidorm are enough to send anyone running for the shade and solitude of indoors.

Little britain on every corner complete with shitty fried breakfast and copies of The Sun.

look, i’m with you usually, but in recent (single) years I’ve been out to a greek island with a girlfriend for a week (but we ate and sunbathed and drank and that’s it) and am off for a week with friends but with a baby and it’s grandmother too.

I just want the sun

shit I wrote “it’s”

If it makes you feel any better I booked my christmas market city break to Nuremberg today. Unseasonal enough for you?

Note to Self: Return Sombrero to shop and find alternative late birthday present for Mr UW.

I’ve just got back from one holiday and I’ll be spending August going “urgh” in an attempt to recover from the latest in a neverending series of house moves.

I shall also “working” from home in my new role of “person who “works” from home”.

And, in further disappointing non-news, I have yet another holiday booked at the end of September.

Camille - The Unreliable Witness Club 18-30 holiday to Benidorm is now boarding at Gate … er, no, it isn’t.

Anonymous Commenters Suck - Ah, since you’re continuing to curse the plague of anon contributions, I shall merely wish you a lovely holiday (as long as you’re not going to Benidorm).

Caite - Oh yes, Christmas breaks are far better. Conversely, you see, I can imagine nothing better than getting as far away as possible from the UK at Christmas.

Anxious - Working from home and going on holiday are to be recommended, however, as a distraction from the tedious business of working, definitely.

*weeps uncontrollably*

holiday?!? hahaha

whatever makes you think that i would partake in such a bourgeois activity? holidays, like sleep, are for the weak, sir!

Mmmmmm. The sun here on the beach is so lovely and soothing. White sand as far as the eye can, etc. Shall take a dip now.

fearful of wasps - Welcome, and I do apologise that you’re weeping. My posts tend to have that effect on people, though.

Kermit - Bourgeois! Yes! The bourgeoisie must be wiped out with extreme malice! Onwards!

Bohéienne - Wish you were etc. The weather here is etc.

Never cease the navel-gazing, because the way you do it is nothing to feel ashamed for.

I’m not going anywhere and furthermore I have nothing in my head that’s the least bit bloggable.

I’m relying on you for August and, probably, beyond.

I know just what you mean - I live in the sundrenched antipodes and long for clouds and rain so that I can stay in a be cosy. Every morning I look up at the wide blue sky and say oh no not another sunny day.

It is August! Now! Are you given up?

I cannot stand the tension.

oops, sorry, forgot I’d changed my name to Anonymouse Commenters Suck

I am going to eebeefa

but the nice bit

promise

oh come on you know me a BIT ;-)

oh bloody hell I wrote “anonymouse”

It seems I have caught your lurgy UW

Dear readers one and all - Thank you for all your views. Having taken into account your views, as well as remembered the vital fact that I have no life to speak of and *sniff* the internet is my only friend (this is not true, incidentally; I am merely milking the point in order to gain pity), I have decided that I will keep blogging during August.

However, if I start hearing an echo when I’m typing, I will stop.

You have been warned.

Dear Unreliable

I am glad to note you don’t do August awaydays.

Me myself and I, also prefer to abstain. We thought we’d been rather clever in avoiding the School Holiday period this year, only to be stalked by the terror that is, the School Summer Educational Trip.

Note to self: avoid Museums and Castles at all costs.

my favourite is dry and partly cloudy with a chilled breeze from down the mountains. or in the mountains, with dry snow air.