Random acts of stationery #30

*cracks up*

Darling - Thanks for having the courtesy to leave me instead of chopping my head off. Please remove your golf paraphernalia from the garage before I set it ablaze.
Love & Smooches

oh, i had one of these, once. albeit substituting something else for the severed head.

happy days!

Miss Vertigo - Sorry. That often happens when visiting this site.

Kermit - Golf? GOLF?! Do I look like a person who would wear checked trousers and a Pringle sweater?

Miles Away - Ah, but it’s the severed head that makes it fun, particularly if they have taken the trouble to prise the mouth open and stick an apple in it.

It’s that mad Mavis again, isn’t it?

Arthur! Back under the floorboards, dear. Did I say you could come out? Honestly, how many times do I have to hit you over the head with the shovel.

Are you getting out enough?

Wow! and I thought romantic guys don’t exist anymore.

blueseaurchin - Me? Out? Enough?

miss july - yes, it is a rare breed of man who can stow a mother in the freezer compartment.

aren’t you mandated by the queen to like golf against your will and better judgment? i thought so, but what the hell do i know, i am in the colonies.

it’s most sensible of you to dislike golf and golfing paraphernalia. it won’t get me to stop believing that you poisoned the dinner in the freezer, though. i’m onto your shenanigans.

So is this the place where we supposed to come for the free “how to stow your friend’s mother in the freezer” lessons? ‘Cause the guy on the bus said it was here?

Brilliant.

I knew I could find some new usage to that freezer.

Putting dinners in it!

That is SUCH a good idea.

You know, if you asked nicely we could all club together and get you checked trousers and a Pringle sweater…

Kermit - You’re onto my shenanigans? Oh good. I’m glad that someone finally is.

miss july - Oh yes. How to stow your friend’s mother in a freezer. How to tear out somebody’s eyeballs. How to kill a horse. All useless things that you can find out on the website that is An Unreliable Witness.

Chloé - Hello and welcome. Yes, normal uses for freezers. Stunning idea.

Cheerful One - It would rather suit me, wouldn’t it? I’d look so classy.

What is for dinner?

Would you please stop doing this? I warn you, I’m not going to take you back next time. I’ve run out of relatives for you to chop up, anyway.

ha ha, my husband wouldn’t care about any of it…as long as the dinner was edible and hadn’t been in direct contact with the bloody head.

you might have cut my head off but I can still see you (and your blog), even from the fridge

You know what I’d really like to read is one of those lovely animal fables…

Man: Rubber ducky, I love you!

Rubber duck: I’ve met someone else.

Clarissa - Somebody’s mother. With chips.

Melograna - There’s still your Auntie Beryl.

EmmaK - I do not wish to test the theory with your husband’s mother, though. I am not that cruel. Really.

THOTMIF - I’m scared now.

FHNIL - Wouldn’t we all? Unfortunately, I think there has been some sort of dreadful cull of wild animals in the Unreliable Witness Menagerie.

[And if people keep using such long pseudonyms, comments on this blog may just turn into a mass of acronyms]

Ben - You’re scaring me too. I am not talking to your rubber ducky. No way.

I am so pleased mother’s head wasn’t found at the bottom of the bed.

I’d of had to look away.