Unsigned confession

welcome to your nervous illness your nervous system your fluttering and your fluctuating cue clamouring voices are the clamouring voices ready yes ready we’re ready as of a decade ago stood five deep and stacked seventeen high offstage left primed and prepared and perfectly poised take to the spotlights take to the floodlights switch switch switch metallic clank and flash and on and on with the performance tell us tell us tell us what you want to do with your life inform us amuse us entertain us educate us tell us what you want to do with your pitiful existence and your plentiful resistance show us your scars and your echoes did you hear can you see you’re remaining eerily quiet for one so ebullient has the cat got your tongue frog in your throat dog of a day giraffe in your no no no I get the picture I always see I don’t know I’m surprisingly insightful for one so short-sighted this I suppose this is what I want to do and be and say this just this be more committal don’t hedge your bets don’t waive your rights don’t vacillate and hesitate or prevaricate and procrastinate this then this then this and nothing more nothing else I’ll shout the windows into shatter and the wood into splinter if I have to it’s what I’ve always wanted deep down here in the pit of my stomach scraping at my ribcage and blocking up my airway and hammering on my wheezing lungs not enough oxygen not not not enough oxygen breathe breathe breathe and relax and take it slow slowly slower we have all the time in the world or the next sixty seconds whichever comes sooner yes then this and nothing else and so much more because only here is where I truly exist and feel complete here is where I can spin out my days scratching words into the bark and sentences into the veneered tabletop and tearing the whole world into pieces of paper the size of snowflakes and the shape of far-flung foreign islands before setting them adrift setting them alight burning them to cinders in the wire waste basket anything else you have been most helpful and informative but this is your last chance to speak your final confession your last will and testament anything else in your pointless defence before we reach our verdict yes I want to run away and inhabit deserted office buildings where I slice off my hands with a guillotine so that I can photocopy them in deserted rooms and leave pictures thousands of pictures thousands of guilty black and white fingerprints on the rows and rows of desks is that all will that be all are you happy now that you’ve got your ounce and your pound and your kilogram of flesh yes we’re content quite content quiet and content we’re quieter we’ll leave quietly we’ll be silent now we’ve got what we wanted an unsigned confession it’s almost as good as your ultimate rattling breath though we know you won’t ever put your name to this we know you won’t put yourself on the dotted line we know you’ll never come clean and own up and turn queen’s evidence but all we required was this splurged outpouring this vented spleen this sodden spurted mess upon the floor stay there stay there we don’t kick wretched beasts when they’re down and out and diseased and nothing more than a pile of bloody bones spittle mouthed and loose of limb so pick yourself up and dust yourself down and start all over again as the song goes the song go on sing it sing it sing sing sing