Can you? Can you hear? Is this working? Thing on? Is this on? Is this thing on? Tap tap tap. No sound, nothing. Good. Click track and rewind. Press button and rewind. Start again. Start over. Start start start and startle me. Start again. Start over. Over already, before we begin. Start. Shall we start? […]
Dear You, First, a preamble. If you prefer, you may ignore this part and skip straight to the meat of the matter, since I know all too well how you quickly tire of my characteristic verbosity. I am becoming a creature of habit, I see that now. I should stop writing to you, I see […]
The following is almost certain to prove a disastrous experiment in ‘blogging’ (whatever that is) the inane details of my everyday life, but apparently it’s what we are supposed to do under the rules of international law. This exercise in tedium will continue throughout today. Or until I get utterly bored. Or until I lose […]
As an eminent blogging type person who is on the A-list — oh sorry, that should read “on a list” — I often receive emails from companies wishing to take advantage of some of the passing trade that might be provided by you, my huge retinue of ardent, swooning and no doubt exceptionally moist readers. […]
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been thirty-six years, three months and nineteen days since my last confession. Yes, sorry about that. All I remember is a dark tunnel, a sudden blinding light, and then a smack on the arse followed by a lot of crying and howling, and after that everything […]
This is hopefully going to be a very short-lived series — of one — mainly because I will soon be too old and decrepit to write lists, due to my senile mind failing before the second item. You know you’re getting old when you go to a hip ‘n’ happenin’ rock gig (oh God, I […]
“Haven’t we met before, under brighter skies above?” It was nothing more than a nod of acceptance, a vague echo of understanding and a limp, nervous handshake, yet the sub-text of a single question would echo on for days. A memory somehow came alive, even though it had still to be lived in its entirety […]
Today is a truly momentous day for An Unreliable Witness. But enough about me. Forget for a moment that this is my site, all about me. I know it’s difficult, but try. Just this once, please. I’m begging and imploring you. I know that I am an endlessly fascinating topic of conversation, so I promise […]