Miss Vertigo — Well, that proposed design would certainly suit the idea of what this reintroduction of the Routemaster seems to be all about: heritage, and child-like dreams of an ‘old-fashioned’ London.

Andre — I am terrified. As for Ken sorting out Northampton — no, I am voting for you as that city’s new mayor.

Rashbre — Oh, Boris isn’t the type. I’m sure it’s just sinus spray. Uh huh. Yes.

Ani — I’ve applied already. ‘Erm, yes, well, erm, aha, right, um, Boris? Can I have a, um, thing — job, that’s it1 Job!’

Hg — Thank you.

Asta — Super. Yah. Ta. Marvellous.

Blueseaurchin — Not only is his hair real, but it might in fact be a pet. It certainly has an animalistic life of its own.

that is all i have to say

As one of those terribly irritating non-physical types, I’m quite partial to the odd trip on a Routemaster myself if even for nostalgia’s sake, but.… ngggh. There are no words for how bad this is going to be.

And please, tell me, am I the only person envisaging the ‘competiton’ to design the new, accessible Routemaster being staged in the manner of Take Hart, and won by Ben Smith, Aged 12, from Peckham? A poster-painted, sideways-on red bus on a crumpled piece of foolscap complete with a bright yellow sun, with spokes, shining in the background?

I… I have no more words. Thankfully.

*headdesk*