Ed is dead #4

Exhibit ES 240109/TR-pa
Tran­script of voice­mail mes­sage
left on Ed Scaramanga’s mobile
phone: Tues­day 20 Janu­ary 13:47

Hello sonny boy, dad here. Guess you must be in one of your meet­ings. Listen, can you give me a call about your mother’s grave? Was con­tac­ted by the cemetery and some little thugs have been tear­ing up the place and van­dal­ised a bunch of head­stones and plots, includ­ing Sylvia’s … erm, your mum’s. Sprayed ‘God is Dead, Why Bother?’ or some rub­bish like that. Janice and I can’t get down there to check what’s what, so we’re won­der­ing if you could go take a look. I know you won’t mind. Was think­ing today that it’s almost the ten year anniversary of … but well, no use dwell­ing, eh? No. None of that. So. Any­way. Be good to hear from you. Call for a chat. (off) Com­ing, sweet­heart, just a sec. (back) We’re garden­ing. Lord knows why. I’m not much of a Cap­ab­il­ity Brown. Keep telling her, keep say­ing: call me Incap­ab­il­ity, see? Call me Incap­ab­il­ity. We’re build­ing a Mex­ican stone wall this after­noon, whatever that is. She does get some right ideas, some right odd ideas. Any­ways up. Yes. Cheerio son, speak soon.

ENDS

Comments: 6

    Second post in a row I just read about fam­il­ies suck­ing. I think I’m going to crawl off and kill myself. I hope you are happy.

    tigga | 03.03.09, 21:48

    I was won­der­ing where the old chap had got to.

    Wait. Exhibit? What do you mean, EXHIBIT?!

    Ani | 03.03.09, 22:48

    Said so much with so little. Won­der­ful, tight story.

    One ques­tion, though: Is Cap­ab­il­ity Brown like the Brit­ish ver­sion of Bob Vila?

    Robb Todd | 03.03.09, 22:50

    Okay, I went back and caught up on the series. #4 was the first one I read, and I must say that I think it works very all on it’s own as a piece of flash fic­tion. The rest were good as well, but some­thing to con­sider. You have a very tight nar­rat­ive in this single piece. Details unfold in a way that made me want to read it a few more times, which all good flash fic­tion does. So much between the lines.

    Robb Todd | 03.03.09, 23:09

    Do you watch Coron­a­tion Street? This is the second time I have heard Cap­ab­il­ity Brown men­tioned in one week. I don’t think it’s a coin­cid­ence, I think it is a conspiracy.

    blueskies | 03.04.09, 11:54

    tigga — Don’t kill your­self, tigga. No, don’t do it. Not when there are bound to be so many more Unre­li­able Wit­ness posts about fam­il­ies suck­ing, which will make you want to com­mit sui­cide in ever more inter­est­ing ways.

    Ani — Exhibit. It might mean he’s dead. It might mean he’s just stuffed. As it were. Missus.

    Robb x2 — The details of Cap­ab­il­ity Brown can­not be divulged. As to your other com­ment, thank you for the appre­ci­at­ive feed­back. And I know exactly what you mean.

    Blueskies — Hello and wel­come. I con­fess that I don’t watch Coron­a­tion Street. Nor any soaps. Nor any TV. I think I am turn­ing into a cul­tural snob.

    An Unreliable Witness | 03.04.09, 12:16

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