Out of fiction

If you miss the stor­ies, the ideas pulled from corners, then com­fort your­self with the fact that I do too. In truth, I was never any kind of writer, because the basis of every fic­tion I cre­ated was rarely any­thing but myself. Me: sieved, gran­u­lated and sprinkled over a sur­feit of adjectives.

I was always going to be a finite sup­ply of thoughts and ideas. I real­ised that from the out­set, but some­how con­vinced myself that the plen­ti­ful stock would never run dry. When life stopped hap­pen­ing, entered hiberna­tion and lost itself in stasis, so too did the cre­ativ­ity. I yearn to find it again, wherever it’s hid­ing, but I don’t even know where to start. Mind foggy, eyes shut, breath­ing untroubled. I’m hav­ing trouble shout­ing at myself to wake up, wake up, wake up, you fool.

I no longer find escape in the words, the pic­tures or the sounds I once held so dear. I’ve become a repet­it­ive drone, for whom every thought is a Her­culean effort. I’m not ashamed to say that I need a spark. I need to be lit, burned. I want flames to con­sume me again, before I for­get how that felt. Before I become entirely numb.

Wanted: someone to pour on the accel­er­ant, to throw a match and then, instead of stand­ing well back, move closer and burn with me. I’ll scrawl this on a post­card, stick it in the newsagent’s win­dow. Apply within.

Comments: 3

    Or, drugs. That might do it.

    Rocky Balboa | 06.23.13, 00:00

    A dark room, and some mind-bending music perhaps?

    m.i.a. | 06.23.13, 09:20

    Rocky — What a coin­cid­ence. I know someone — *cough* — who met a likely– look­ing neigh­bour in the lift of his block yes­ter­day and asked them a herb-related ques­tion. Unfor­tu­nately, he got a look in response which sug­ges­ted that he’d defec­ated on the neighbour’s grandmother.

    m.i.a. — A dark, and more par­tic­u­larly a quiet room is almost impossible here, sadly. Unfor­tu­nately, too, my brain/creativity/imagination is now so bar­ren that, like books and films also, music has lost its capa­city to inspire me.

    An Unreliable Witness | 06.23.13, 12:59

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