Archives

Here you will find links to each and every entry pub­lished on An Unre­li­able Wit­ness. Should you wish to read the entirety at one sit­ting — as some brave souls have tried in the past — I would humbly sug­gest that you seek imm­di­ate psy­chi­at­ric atten­tion, since there is an incred­ible amount of inane and impen­et­rable verb­os­ity con­tained within these pages. Idly brows­ing just a few selec­ted posts, how­ever, can prove to be an enter­tain­ing way to pass a dull week­end after­noon, espe­cially if you’re laid up with the dreaded lurgy, go into a cold sweat if you step away from the com­puter for more than fif­teen minutes, or have no social life.

2010: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
2009: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
2008: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
2007: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
2006: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec

August 2010

• Semi-automatic #2
• Purely medi­cinal
• Semi-automatic #1
• Sprain and pinch
• A new national anthem
• Three pray­ers, then silence
• Keep this card with you at all times
• Cracked screen
• Com­plete write-off

July 2010

• Har­old Pinter, I love you, marry me

May 2010

• May cause drowsi­ness: day 31
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 25
• May cause drowsi­ness: days 21 — 24
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 20
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 19
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 18
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 17
• Oth­er­wise
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 16
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 15
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 14
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 13
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 12
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 11
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 10
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 9
• Would like to meet #3
• Would like to meet #2
• Would like to meet #1
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 6
• Forty mil­lion (or so) to one
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 2
• May cause drowsi­ness: day 1

Janu­ary 2010

• Winged mes­sen­ger

Decem­ber 2009

• Whither tumour? Whither growth?

Octo­ber 2009

• Sand­box
• Quer­ies regard­ing the dis­abling of a reflect­ive canine

Septem­ber 2009

• Bus, taxi, car, pedestrian
• Ask a silly question

August 2009

• Foot­prints in the butter
• Blog­ging as ther­apy #1
• A nasty case of Dead Writer Syndrome
• Caf­feine suicide

July 2009

• Infal­libly papal
• Suck pen, chew tongue, swal­low phlegm, write

June 2009

• Things to do with your hands when not writ­ing #1
• Dead people’s things for sale #5
• So on and so forth

May 2009

• [Pause for dra­matic effect]
• Sans
• Fame puts you there where things are hollow
• From the pen of Mr Chen

April 2009

• World dom­in­a­tion is all a mat­ter of interpretation
• Self-publicity or nervous break­down? You decide
• Like ther­apy, minus the Freu­dian overtones
• Dead people’s things for sale #4
• Kill all angels

March 2009

• Three-ring cir­cus
• From fecund to feckless
• The sickly smell of sacrifice
• Hoist­ing my Jolly Roger
• So speaks the voice of experience
• Sound­ing the life cycle
• Dead people’s things for sale #3
• Dead people’s things for sale #2
• Wake me when the world ends
• Dead people’s things for sale #1
• Some­thing what I wrote (sic)
• Ed is dead #4
• Some­where, late after­noon, before sunset

Feb­ru­ary 2009

• Skel­eton Song
• He’s got a screw loose
• Writ­ing about writing
• The great provoker
• Houn­ded
• Seven fifty-four six degrees cloudy
• Ed is dead #3

Janu­ary 2009

• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #42
• Ed is dead #2
• Ed is dead
• Tamper-proof
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #41
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #40
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #39
• The drone of productivity

Decem­ber 2008

• One longer later
• Sat­urday of moustaches

Novem­ber 2008

• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #25
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #24
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #23
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #22
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #21
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #20
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #19
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #18
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #17
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #16
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #15
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #14
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #13

Octo­ber 2008

• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #12
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #11
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #10
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #9
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #8
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #7
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #6
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #5
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #4
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #3
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #2
• I am giv­ing up writ­ing because … #1
• Lost prop­erty
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #38
• Ghost reader #6

Septem­ber 2008

• Ghost reader #5
• Ghost reader #4
• Gos­pel
• Ghost reader #3
• Ghost reader #2
• Ghost reader #1
• Wrong num­ber #4
• Words of little con­sequence #19

August 2008

• Words of little con­sequence #18
• Words of little con­sequence #17
• These invis­ible lines
• Words of little con­sequence #16
• Unsent let­ter #9

July 2008

• And Lady Macbeth, she scrubbed until she bled
• Scrap­ings and clippings
• Words of little con­sequence #15
• Words of little con­sequence #14
• Words of little con­sequence #13
• Drop­ping an E
• Words of little con­sequence #12
• Words of little con­sequence #11

June 2008

• Do make say think
• Six forty-eight six­teen degrees sunny intervals
• Pic­ture book
• Seven sev­en­teen four­teen degrees overcast
• Thor­oughly lost to logic

May 2008

• I do this
• Everything is just utter, utter …
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #37
• Words of little con­sequence #10
• Unpho­to­graph­able
• Words of little con­sequence #9
• Words of little con­sequence #8
• Words of little con­sequence #7
• Words of little con­sequence #6
• This isn’t a com­edy quiz show, is it?
• Sad, pathetic char­ity case

April 2008

• I is well red (sic)
• Alpha­betti spa­ghetti: C
• Incant­a­tion
• Words of little con­sequence #5
• Words of little con­sequence #4
• Words of little con­sequence #3
• Words of little con­sequence #2
• Words of little con­sequence #1
• Iter­a­tion
• Scraps of evidence
• Wrong num­ber #3

March 2008

• Into the white
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #36
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #35
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #34
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #33
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #32
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #31

Feb­ru­ary 2008

• Stickered tip to toe
• The ali­ens live amongst us
• Your Ghost
• Moon­shot #1

Janu­ary 2008

• Strange things happen
• Ran­dom notices #20
• Ran­dom notices #19
• Ran­dom notices #18
• Ran­dom notices #17
• Ran­dom notices #16
• Ran­dom notices #15
• Ran­dom notices #14
• Ran­dom notices #13
• Ran­dom notices #12
• Can­not loc­ate signal

Decem­ber 2007

• One minute passed at one minute past
• Foot­prints in Snow
• The World’s Worst Eskimo
• Unsent let­ter #8
• Dan­cing about architecture
• Work and non-work
• Skin-written

Novem­ber 2007

• A brief his­tory of timekeeping
• Unsent let­ter #7
• Minu­tiae v1.0
• Sex sells, but it doesn’t spell
• Wrong num­ber #2
• You know you’re get­ting old when …
• Wake Up
• Com­mer­cial break

Octo­ber 2007

• Lost souls
• Excit­ing site news
• Coded prom­ises
• Gone fish­ing
• Ran­dom notices #11
• Ran­dom notices #10
• Ran­dom notices #9
• Ran­dom notices #8
• Ran­dom notices #7
• Ran­dom notices #6
• Unsigned con­fes­sion

Septem­ber 2007

• Mr. Novem­ber
• One moment of excit­able inhalation
• One moment of mean­ing­ful exhalation
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #30
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #29
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #28
• Wrong num­ber #1
• Melo­drama in nine­teen syllables
• Unsent let­ter #6

August 2007

• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #27
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #26
• [Insert snow-related pun here]
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #25
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #24
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #23
• Equus
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #22
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #21
• Oh, beast of bur­den, carry me
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #20
• Flut­ter­ing
• Dis­ap­pearer
• Con­ver­sa­tion v1.1
• Alpha­betti spa­ghetti: B

July 2007

• An unscientific little pole (sic)
• A purple shade of sabotage
• Another jour­ney by night
• Many happy non-returns
• One and one and one
• And this room in monochrome
• As surely as the sun rises
• Always read the label
• Foot­prints end
• Ran­dom notices #5
• Ran­dom notices #4
• Ran­dom notices #3
• Ran­dom notices #2
• Ran­dom notices #1

June 2007

• Cloud chasers
• Clear­ing
• Sol­stice
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #19
• Noth­ing here but clinker
• Walk­ing the ghost
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #18
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #17
• Web two point oh Christ almighty

May 2007

• [Insert leg-related pun here]
• Three steps to heaven, twelve steps to hell
• Oh, to be ubiquitous …
• See you on rooftops
• Turnupspeed
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #16
• Never mind the qual­ity, feel the niche
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #15
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #14
• Drop in the ocean, fall in the river
• All hail the Hap­pi­ness Tsar
• Soul­weav­ing songs

April 2007

• Mis­fits #4: handle with care
• Some words of enti(t)lement
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #13
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #12
• Now avail­able on paper
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #11
• Unsent let­ter #5
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #10
• The map-reader’s search for co-ordinates
• Clicks and buzzes
• Win­dow of irritation
• Do-it-yourself Unre­li­able Witness
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #9
• Badges? Badges? Yes, we have stink­ing badges!
• Warn­ing: may con­tain nuts
• Holy war
• Things to do at 4.00am #2
• While you sleep

March 2007

• Earth­bound
• Gate­crashed
• When Irish eyes are smiling
• Unsent let­ter #4
• Tech­nical hic
• How to aban­don a USP, in one easy lesson
• Alpha­betti spa­ghetti: N
• Buy buy buy! Bye bye!
• Of tun­nel visions
• Buzz buzz in the eardrum
• Unsent let­ter #3
• A Little Something
• Old Red Nose is back
• A per­cent­age of perchance
• Back and forth and back again

Feb­ru­ary 2007

• Strange day (second in a never-ending series)
• This boot was made for hiding
• Smile for the birdies
• Tomor­row­ing
• Sen­tences seek­ing approbation
• They’re gonna put me in the movies
• Nausea, typed in v2.02
• Strange day (first in a never-ending series)
• Hon­our­ably swamped
• No ball games, please
• Offi­cial: I have deli­cious brains
• My new appellation
• Daubed in time­less town

Janu­ary 2007

• Kelvin­grove Baby
• Of rings and bonds
• Chas­ing words is best left to wordsmiths
• Voyeur­ism for beginners
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #8
• (Ad)mission state­ment
• Filthily depraved uptempo conundrum
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #7
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #6
• This is not a meme
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #5
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #4
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #3
• Des­troy Everything You Touch
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #2
• Ran­dom acts of sta­tion­ery #1
• Once upon a blog
• Scrawl me sometime
• Whor­ing for fun and profit
• Eternal sun­set of the idle mind
• In which I sing the poorest song
• This (was never my) Life

Decem­ber 2006

• One Crowded Hour
• The year of the lost you
• Unsent let­ter #2
• Oh, you know, fest­ive stuff
• Mis­fits #3: spoon­fuls of spells
• Stranger strange
• Never a crossed word
• Lurk­ing on page 123
• Can I be a blog­ger when I is all growed up?
• The true mean­ing of …
• Per­son­al­ity? What personality?
• The Insig­ni­fic­ant Awards 2007
• Unsent let­ter #1
• Sus­pi­cious bump?
• You have mail
• Make the scary man go away

Novem­ber 2006

• Press reveal
• An unof­fi­cial deed poll moment
• Mis­fits #2: out of sorts
• Five months, five days

Septem­ber 2006

• Too much real life
• Three months, not a lifetime

June 2006

• Malinger­ing

May 2006

• Of miss­ing cats and wind-up birds
• Things to do at 4.00am #1
• Mis­fits #1: not our world
• Silver(f)ish and shine me shiny
• Good­bye to all that
• Veins
• Mis­heard