Once there was, and once there was not. Stories start, safe in the knowledge that they must - at some indeterminate time and some unspecified place - end. That’s their way. For every exposition, there is a denouement. That’s their raison d’être. In between times, we scrape our heels in a slow tide of humanity […]
Her apron strings lie limp now. These days, no one comes clattering into the room, jumping up and scrabbling for attention. There are no hands ready to be rubber-gloved in the motherly love kept at the kitchen sink until the dishes are done. So she carefully smooths the strings on the gaudily patterned garment - […]
The World’s Worst Eskimo was sitting in my living-room, sipping from a mug of cocoa clasped between her trembling, frozen hands. The chattering of her teeth quite drowned out the reassuringly dull drone of the passing traffic, five floors below, as it headed for the consumerist bright lights and a frenzied bout of last gasp […]
Here begins an urban fairytale.
Staying in is the new going out. It’s the new black. It’s what everyone’s wearing this season. I don’t get out much, as a rule. Out is overrated. Too much of a muchness. I prefer staying in, carefully tending to small outcrops of dead skin cells as if they were plants, watching […]
“At the third stroke, it will be one thirteen and thirty seconds. Beep beep beep.”
I should sleep. I should be asleep.
I remember the exact - or should that be the precise? - details of where and when my relationship with the Speaking Clock began. Of course I do. It hardly requires the scientific skills of crystal oscillation. […]
“Sit down, Mr. Witness. Your pictures are back from the X-ray department. I’ll be with you in one wee moment.”
This is wrong. All wrong. A doctor’s tone is not supposed to be this psychotically cheery. The addition of a sing-song Scottish accent only serves to add to the impression that I am about to be told […]
Life unfolds on this roundabout. The driver is unsure of his exit, so as he explores the myriad options available to him, cursing under his breath and becoming increasingly dizzied by his own confusion, I turn inwards to the grass island at our centre. A man in an unnecessarily thick winter overcoat sits slumped […]
Listen. I need to tell you this before I’m too wordless and powerless to go on, because I’m fading fast. Literally fading. Gone before dawn, I’m told. So. Listening? Are you? Don’t close your ears for even the blink of an eye.
You will no doubt have seen the cardboard box in the hallway. It was the […]
A bell woke me. A bell brought me to my senses each time the day felt as if it was unravelling. And a final bell lulled me into dust particles of sleep that night. Dissolve and disappear with me now.
When my eyes fall open, the sound of the lazy dull hubbub of a Sunday morning weaving […]
I don’t wish to worry you, but I have spent the last three days locked in the boot of your car, travelling with you cross-country.
You are now at your destination. I am currently parked (as I imagine it) under the shade of a tree, trying to breathe in cool air amidst the sweltering temperatures. I am […]
Someone stupid asked if we were friends. There was a chilly silence from the assembled drunken masses, until the moment when you revealed an iron crowbar kept in the lining of your jacket. Over there, a jaw loosened. Over here, a hand seized.
“Did you come armed for trouble?” I asked, pulling on your sleeve and whispering […]
The day you lose all your faculties will be the day I use a plastic fork to slowly remove your eyeballs from their sockets. I’ll keep them in a small jewel box, thoughtfully lined with deep purple velvet. That will be the point at which I’ll know that we’re finally ready to grow old and […]
Names have been changed to protect the innocent. I will admit as much. That probably means I’m guilty. Which means that I changed my name to protect the guilty, rather than the innocent. Or did I change my name to protect myself because I’m innocent, thereby making myself guilty in the process? I’m confused. I […]