Dear You, What happened there? Was it the same that happened here? Did you go away? Taken leave of your senses? Have you been on holiday? I have. Months ago, I packed my single shabby suitcase and scarpered. I shrugged off this incessant whirl and joined the rat race. Have you ever taken a holiday […]
Dear You, Give or take a day or two, and more or less half a memory away, it struck me this afternoon, like a forceful blow to the back of the neck from a malevolent spirit, that it has been a full year since this still regrettably one-sided correspondence began. Such thoughts frequently occur to me […]
Dear You, First, a preamble. If you prefer, you may ignore this part and skip straight to the meat of the matter, since I know all too well how you quickly tire of my characteristic verbosity. I am becoming a creature of habit, I see that now. I should stop writing to you, I see […]
Dear You, It seems there was a pause in my celestial transmissions. Are you receiving me loud and clear? The only explanation I can possibly offer is that the clouds in my broken neck of the woods have been heavier than lead in air these past months. A number of particularly aggravating cumulonimbus took up residence […]
Dear You, This letter may initially appear rather more muddled and weary than you have come to expect of my usually fastidiously ordered thoughts. I have only one somewhat pitiful justification for this. My tongue hurts. Yes, I know that I do not write with my tongue (except for those occasional rude messages I might […]
Dear You, I have terrible, wonderful news. Terribly, the clocks are going forward an hour tomorrow evening. You tell me, meanwhile, that they are going back an hour the morning after. I think that’s the order of our disorder. Or is our time on this mortal coil moving forward an hour and back an hour at […]
Dear You, My apologies for the continued lack of any handwritten missive winging its way to you across the briny. As I attempted to explain in my most recent clumsily garbled sentences, this is due to a sizeable increase in the amount of conversation I have been indulging in (an entirely unfamiliar concept to me), […]
Dear You, I will confess to having been obsessed lately, thinking day and night amd all points inbetween of what physical object I can possibly send you to accompany these failed missives of apathy and torment, written with such diligence and care before they are torn up and thrown dismissively into the flames. This morning, […]
Dear You, Please appreciate that these are not my words. I stole them from a passing Australian — the one whose voice has a distinctly smoke-filled timbre. He also possesses a strange taste in footwear, and harbours absolutely no regard for personal hygiene. “My dreams have caught me out. I find myself surrounded by the […]