Settle down, children

Billy, take Belinda’s ear out of your mouth — there’s a good boy. You don’t know where she’s been. Jacinta — you wouldn’t do that in your own home, so what makes you think you can do it here? Well? Quieten down, class, or else I’ll be keep­ing all of you here when the school bell sounds. Right, open your exer­cise books at the first clean page. Today’s les­son is all about Stat­ing The Bleed­ing Obvi­ous, with a par­tic­u­lar focus on Teach­ing Your Grand­mother To Suck Eggs. I want 200 words on the sub­ject by the end of the lesson.