Answer me this. If you’re part of a happy couple, why would you decide, at the beginning of a half-hour bus journey, to call up your significant other on your mobile phone and then proceed to spend the whole duration of the journey talking to them?
About dinner. About going out for dinner. About inviting people round for dinner. About holidays. About going on holiday next month. About going on holiday with Robert and Mary. About going to see a film. About going to see a film with another couple. About not going to see that film because you’ve not heard any good reviews of it. I saw the cutest puppy today. Oh, and did you buy any bread on your way home?
Only when you reach your destination do you finally bring the call to an end, with a cheery parting shot of: “OK, I’m getting off the bus now. Yes. Getting off the bus. I’ll see you in five minutes.” So my question is: after thirty minutes of possibly the most inane chatter ever to be exposed to the airwaves, what the hell do the two of you talk about all evening? I have visions of couples all over the UK enduring long evenings of stony silence, having realised that they exhausted all possible topics of conversation while talking on their mobiles during their journeys home. Tragi-comedy at its finest.