Essential Lifestyle Tip #8

Although it often appears to be the res­ult of massive insec­ur­ity, low self-esteem and an almost sick­en­ingly des­per­ate desire to be loved, over-apologising is actu­ally a skilled art, and it must be approached with care. It’s no good just bab­bling, “Sorry. I’m really sorry. Really really sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry. Will you ever for­give me? Do you think I should wear this hair­shirt for three weeks or four?” Once you get to five apo­lo­gies in a row, you’ll have neg­ated the effect of the ori­ginal apo­logy. By ten apo­lo­gies, the per­son you’re apo­lo­gising to will hate you and wish you dead. By twenty apo­lo­gies, the only per­son you’ll be apo­lo­gising to is your­self — and if you reach that point the only thing you’ll be apo­lo­gising for is the fact that you’re overly apologetic.