How fucking romantic

Five floors below my flat, a truly touching moment is playing itself out. It’s so heart-rending that it puts me in mind of West Side Story’s re-creation of the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene, as the tenement fire escape becomes the location for Tony to serenade Maria with the song Tonight.

But this isn’t the Upper West Side of New York City, this is Clapham in south-west London, although the woman being serenaded by the man from the street below is also named Maria (sadly I don’t know if he’s called Tony - one can only hope). He’s not singing much either, to tell the truth. It’s more like drunken shouting, and it doesn’t compare too favourably with the lyrics of Tonight:

“Come downstairs, Maria! Come down the fucking stairs, you fucking bitch! Come on, Maria! Come on! Get down these fucking stairs and let me in! Maria!”

Ah, such romance. Just like in the movies. It warms the heart, it really does. Oh look, here come the police to remove him …